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Monday, January 18, 2010

EU Adopts English As Official Language


Euro - English

After years of endless discussion and confrontation, the European Commission has finally announced a directive whereby English will over time become the official language of the European Union, rather than German, which was the main other possibility, or French.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan for a spelling variation of the language, that would become known as "Euro-English".

This from the Brussels Press Release -

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl
.

(Sent in by Tim Beard on his weekly group email)

2 comments:

formertory said...

Otherwise known as "Meihem in ce Klasrum", written in 1946 by a man called Dalton Edwards, and plagiarised hundreds of time since by people who generally like to make it look like their own talent at work.

Tapestry said...

Nothing's original under the sun.